wtf wednesdays : weird pet peeves

All right, void. It's listicle time again. I'm super petty, so here's a type-A af one for you.

Bring in the generic headlines! That's an Amanda Show reference, future self, in case you're too old to remember how old you are.

Six weird pet peeves you may have if you're weird

(now that's not actually SEO generic, is it, ma'am? Also why six? Who knows, not me.)

1. Leaving breadcrumbs in the butter

Okay, this is probably the pettiest one, but who wants to eat someone else's crusty old bread crumbs on top of their freshly-made toast? Or mixed into their steamed vegetables? Or melting onto a baked potato? This is especially gross if someone leaves crumbs from a sweet bread or something with strong spices... or poppies... Or if little chunks of those buttered vegetables get in there... Nasty. The courteous thing to do if you share butter with others is to scoop the crumbs that got in out in your last spread so that no one else has to ingest them.

2. Not putting a napkin under a messy spoon

I mean, it takes two seconds: either put it in the sink or put something under it. When you don't, I gotta pull out the Clorox and scrub at something sticky, or worse, a big, red tomato sauce stain. Be kind and don't make someone else clean up after your spoon.

3. Stomp-walking 24/7 when you live above someone

We had these upstairs neighbors when I lived in New York who could not comprehend how to travel from point A to point B without slamming their full weight into every step. They called themselves "Brolivia" and had zero volume control in literally anything they did. We heard all about Britney's breakup. Knew exactly when Olivia was too drunk to let Britney back in from her smoke break. Every holiday season, they played that stupid Mariah Carey song on repeat for hours and hours every fucking night on a speaker system you could hear from outside the apartment complex. I have so many horror stories. But, yeah, please consider your downstairs neighbors and maybe get some cushy carpets if your stomp-walking can't be helped.

4. Watching TikToks or IG Reels at full volume in public, enclosed spaces

I don't care if you want to get sucked into the video hypnosis in a park or some outdoor venue. Do you. But if I'm trapped inside next to you, like on a subway or in a waiting room, I don't need to hear everything you're mindlessly watching, too. Get a pair of headphones.

5. Stopping abruptly when you know people are walking behind you

This is mostly an issue on a crowded sidewalk in a city. It's also often what separates the locals from the tourists (though there are definitely locals who do this, too). Regardless of who you are: stopping abruptly to take a photo in the middle of a bustling sidewalk is going to earn you a lot of rage from the commuter crowd who now has to squeeze around your inconsiderate body. Not cool. Also, where do you think the person behind you is going to go except straight into your back? Just pull over to the side or walk and take the photo at the same time. It's even easier than texting and walking!

6. Correcting the way someone says something on the basis that it's not how you say it

It's called local dialect, bro. Linguistics dictates that anything that is said by one human and understood by another flies. There is no "correct" pronunciation. There is only preferred pronunciation—prescribed correct-ness. And usually prescribed correct-ness is based on how the privileged elite speak. So let people talk the way they talk and stop schooling someone who talks differently than you. It's pretentious AF, and you're wrong anyway: unless it's your literal name, both of you are saying "cicada" right.

This is an H3 breaking up the listicle from my final thoughts.

Okay, I feel like an absolute type-A asshole now lol. Next week I'll go for a less salty and bitter "weird" to list. Most of these aren't even weird anyway. That's probably someone else's pet peeve. "When listicles use the wrong adjective." Or are pet peeves distinguished by the verb? "Using the wrong adjective in listicles." I guess that's how I formatted the other items in this list. Hmm. Now I'm just confusing myself.

Until next time, weekday warrior. Yes, I know the phrase is weekend warrior and using it this way doesn't even make sense but I wanted to make an alliterative funny, self, so let me just have this.