cinco de mayo (or, staying in on one of THE fridays)

All right, void. I was going to skip tonight so that future me thinks that I actually go out on Fridays, or at least on one of the more popular white-girl-wasted holidays (which also happens to be on a Friday this year): Cinco de Mayo. I get a pass for being boring on St. Patrick's Day (also on a Friday this year) because that's my birthday. I'm also actually Irish so that would be the less culturally appropriating holiday for me to partake in, if we're being honest, but alas I did not celebrate as a wasted white girl for either so... go introverts?

In my defense, there are a few solid reasons why my Fridays are extremely unimpressive now:

A) I live with my parents. (honestly, I don't even need any other reasons after this...)

B) I don't have a consistent job now, which makes me extra broke and extra avoidant of socializing because there is no lower status on the social ladder than being an unemployed (who also lives with their parents, who is also single, who is also 31...)

C) I am Japanese and inherited my father's alcohol flush, which means that when I drink I may or may not pass out in public (with very little warning) so my body literally doesn't want me to have any fun. If you also experience "the glow," you know my pain.

So I do have legit excuses for staying in on Fridays. And I think honestly the not going out and finding stories to tell thing bothers me less in the moment than the social media fomo. Hence, why I especially avoid social media on any weekend. Day and night. Not that I often go on the ole IG or FB for any other reason than to check on my sweet, sweet babies at the Vancouver Aquarium. There are eight of them, by the way. Northern sea otters. And since the 24/7 livefeed was snatched by Vanaqua's new corporate, my #1 source of comfort has diminished to snippets of my beloved beans on the trainers' IG stories and posts eating clams and stuffing ice in their armpit pockets and float-sleeping with their little paws in the air... But I digress...

There definitely is a shame associated with those who do not do anything to write to social media about on the weekends, though. Especially on one of THE Fridays, like a Cinco de Mayo one. Idk. I used to be more interesting. I used to be more social. I used to make attempts to find things and people and events, but then I moved too much and lost work too frequently and found it more shameful to go out than to stay in simply because my self-esteem is in the toilet and I, like any other selfish human, worry that everyone is judging me when they likely don't think about me at all.

Plus, there's that other thing that comes with being single in your 30s where everyone you used to hang out with has partnered up, leaving you as either the last-minute call-in when said partner is away or the plus one for some other random single person who may or may not have anything in common with you. There's also always third, fifth, or even seventh-wheeling, but I think that's a compromise no party is really content with in the end. At least for me. I have a strange effect of making significant others feel like they're the third wheel somehow which gets me and my friend in trouble so it's just safest to not. My hypothesis is that I lack the social skills to properly include people I don't know very well, which causes my friends to talk to me more as an accommodation. It's a horrible flaw I'm still actively trying to improve, but for now, yet another reason to stay in on a Friday night.

Anyway. Here's to anyone else in this internet black hole who feels ashamed for staying in on Cinco de Mayo especially when it's a Friday. I see you. I feel you. Maybe by next year, we'll strike up the courage to hit the road for a May the Fourth Friday. Or not. Oh no, that means it'll be a double whammy next year... May the Fourth, then Cinco de Mayo... Friday and Saturday 2024... Get your fomo ready...

Until next time, google deep diver. Remember: we all stay in on Fridays sometimes, some of us just do it all the time.